Mortal Seraphim

New Web Site!

2004-12-02T16:47:00.000-06:00

Ok, I've been working like crazy for the last week trying to get this thing perfect and it's finally done. The browser will automatically re-direct you to the new site shortly after you are done reading this message. I'm excited about this, I hope you are too!
If it didn't re-direct you, or you are just too impatient, just click the link below...

http://mortal-seraphim.com

Dennis Miller on the middle east...

2004-12-01T10:40:00.000-06:00

"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.

Here we go:

The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."

I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living.

That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.

Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, Everyone will be pals..

Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the Numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not. Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children? Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their drugs taken away.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.

If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan.

Study

2004-11-24T11:37:00.000-06:00

I'm starting to get a feel for what Brooke goes through all the time. I've been trying to study as much as possible for this major exam I have to take and pass too keep my new job. I got a nice reminder a few weeks ago that I need to get this giant two part certification to stay qualified for the position I'm working, then quickly realized that I have less than 30 days to do it. Even a novice computer user would need at least six months of constant studying to prepare for a test like this. The all in one exam study guide is just under 1,200 pages.

It's a good thing that I'm an expert computer user, what I've studied so far is starting to make a lot of sense and I'm getting to the point to where I'm remembering things I didn't understand before I started all this. I've taken a lot of practice tests over the last week and went from constantly failing them to consistently passing them.

Our contract is also hiring about 4 extra agents to attempt to actually meet service level. We are supposed to answer 90% of the calls in less than 60 seconds. We are currently at a steady 76%. We are also supposed to resolve 85% of in scope calls on the first call. Right now we only have 66%. So the only solution is to hire more people and stick them all on the morning shift. I thankfully get to keep my schedule but I have to move to a new desk. No big deal though, I kind of like my new location better anyways, and I get to take my computer with me instead of having to start over on a new one.

Happy T-Day!

Confession

2004-11-21T22:01:00.000-06:00

A little over a week ago I sat down and asked God to help me come up with all the things that I have done wrong in this whole situation with my mom. This entire time all I could focus on is all the things I thought she had done to wrong me but never bothered to look at myself for the same thing. So I sat down and started writing, and before I knew it I had filled the page. I didn't expect to come up with that much but it has greatly helped me in trying to put this thing in perspective and made me realize how stupid I was being.

I...

avoided her when she tried to come over.
didn't come to the door when she came over.
screened my calls and didn't pick up for her.
accepted her house warming gift without thanking her.
pretended I was not at fault.
held a grudge instead of forgiving her.
talked bad about her to others.
insisted on HER apologizing to ME.
lied to myself about forgiving her.
thought I was better than her.
forced my opinion of her on others.
tried to turn my family against her.
constantly defended my position on the situation.
made it known I didn't like her.
refused to let her into my home.
forced my family to not let her see the house.
ignored her attempts to right the relationship.
ignorantly insisted I was right.
thought I had a right to be mad at her.
failed to see my immaturity.
was selfish and prideful.

So there it is. Completely unchanged and raw, right off the page. Not much else to say but, I'm sorry.

Poll

2004-11-19T15:17:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been three days without a word. Now I'm at somewhat of a dilemma. I publicly posted that I was aware of her presence on my site, and asked her if she wanted me back. She has visited the site at least once from the same location since I made that post. She is aware of the question at hand and has chosen not to respond. Does that mean that she doesn't want me to a part of her life anymore. Is she holding some type of anger against me and just doesn't want to deal with it?

I no longer feel guilty for avoiding her all this time because I have forgiven her for what I was mad at her for and invited her to accept me back into her life. Again she has let me down again by not responding at all. This is one of the main reasons I was mad at her to begin with. It just seems like everything I count on her for falls through. It's like that trust exercise where you fall backward and the person behind you is supposed to catch you so you don't hit the floor. I can't remember the last time she caught me but I kept getting up and doing it again. Sometimes I wonder if she just secretly hates me or something.

I can accept that it will take time for our relationship to grow because I understand that we basically have to start over again. I have turned myself into a completely different person. I have worked very hard to accomplish what I have, and I am proud of those accomplishments. She always acknowledged those accomplishments but they were shortly followed by criticize and doubt. I want my mother back, and the part of our family that comes with it.

So to help me figure out what I should do, I'm asking YOU. You may have noticed that I added a poll on the right side of my blog. Time for this thing to get interactive. If you think I should just go over to her house and knock on the door without an invite, or any clue as to how she feels about me choose "Absolutely". If you think her silence is a way of telling me to get lost and I should just move on with my life without her, choose "No way". If you have no idea what's going on and could care less about this post, but you like to push buttons, chose "Who cares".

Note: The poll on the right side of my blog will be removed in two weeks.

HI MOM!

2004-11-16T10:12:00.000-06:00

Wow, really got some attention there. It's not every day someone spends an hour an a half on my web site. You know how I feel now, and what I have made of life. I'll leave it in your hands. Do you want me back in your life?

Prayer Journal

2004-11-15T09:58:00.000-06:00

Well the Prayer Journal I spoke of in my last entry is completed. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. I decided to make it pretty simple since I'm the only one that's ever going to see it. I think the template is beautiful and so do a few others. You might just be seeing it a little more often elsewhere. I don't want to ruin the surprise though. The one at this address will stay the way it is so you people can play with it. The calendar is just linked to a bravenet calendar service that I found online. One of the biggest challenges was making the mini calendar appear on the left side there. It's still not perfect but it works pretty well for what I'm using it for. So as soon as I get some more time, I'll create a duplicate of the site and password protect it so no one but me and a few skilled hackers will be able to see it.

http://mortal-seraphim2.blogspot.com

My church has been collecting blankets over the last few weeks. Their goal was 1,000 blankets to take down to Acuna Mexico. As of yesterday, I'm pretty sure they have met that goal. They left this morning to go and deliver the blankets personally to the needy people of Acuna. Saturday night, my small group got together and stuffed every last blanket with a small message.

Dear Family,

Please accept this blanket as a small gift from our Grace Community Church family to yours. We will pray for your family’s physical and spiritual safety and growth. Thank you for being an example of a cheerful heart. Your faith in God challenges us to grow in our faith. Keep your eyes on God and your hopes in heaven. Go with God!

God bless,
Grace Community Church

We printed out the flyers on colored paper and even translated the message to Spanish on the other side. It took us a little while to get organized but once we got it down, it went really fast and we all had a lot of fun doing it. It gave us all a chance to get a little closer to each other and do something meaningful at the same time. You wouldn't think that stuffing 700-800 blankets with little quarter-sheet notes could be FUN, but it was really great. It is really a unique experience to get together with people you don't know and spend "real" time with them and get to know them. If you try hard enough you can see the best in everyone despite their differences.

Free/Busy

2004-11-11T16:02:00.000-06:00

Sleepy time...
Today has been slower than any in history. Apparently something went wrong with the phone switch this morning limiting the number of calls we can receive. To get to us people have to dial an extension which gives them options to go to different departments. The switch then transferred them to the corresponding department. Well apparently the switch is only allowing one person at a time to get through. Everyone behind the person currently using it gets about five minutes worth of rings and a click. It probably means it will be extra busy once they get it fixed but the problem stems from Verizon, not the phone system at PSEG or CompuCom so who knows how long it will take.

My "To do" list is also getting pretty big. I've got a list of things I want to do and it all just keeps stacking up. I've been putting things aside for so long I can't remember all the stuff I need to do, it's kind of sad but what can you do? I started a little list I keep at my desk and every time I remember something I stick it there so I won't forget it again. So this weekend I'm going to try and put in a decent effort into getting at least some of it done. With my luck, I'll forget the list.

It seems like every week I get more and more on my schedule. My weekends are transforming from free time to slack off to jam packed full of activities. I wouldn't say that is a bad thing but it takes a little adjustment I guess. Friday night, Josh is coming over for the first time in a long while. Saturday, I'll be going to men's breakfast at the church. Then sometime during the day I'm having a friend from work come over and help me study for this A+ exam I have to have passed by the 12th of December. Small group meeting Saturday Night. Church service and working with the youth group Sunday morning and who knows what else.

I need to start a prayer journal too. I want to try and log prayers, actions, decisions, accomplishments. Every step in my spiritual growth so that I can easily track my progress and have documented results. I know that I have made changes to my lifestyle, way of thinking, and attitude but it is very difficult to see how much those adjustments have changed me. Changes are gradual and most of the time people will get used to the new behavior before it's been completely implemented. I don't get much feedback on this subject so I figured that the journal would be a good tool I could use to re-assure myself that I'm doing the right thing.

This blog serves part of that purpose. I love going back to my old diary and reading random entries just so I can compare it to my current writing. It hits me a lot harder than anyone else because the writing brings out all the memories. When I read those entries it's almost as if I were re-living that day, and the difference is enormous. The journal will be even more useful because it can contain confidential and personal information that shouldn't be shared in something as open as this blog. Something that no one would ever read but me.

So now, in all this spare time I have. I'm going to start working on developing a password protected web site that will serve as a prayer blog. Complete with calendar and many other super cool gadgets. When I'm done with it I'm sure I'll mention something about it here but who knows how long it will take since the bulk of my time is now dedicated to studying for my A+ cert. It will be template based and probably hosted by Blogger. If you are interested in using the prayer blog as well, let me know and I'll hook you up with one.

Weekend Update

2004-11-08T09:27:00.000-06:00

I had another great weekend. Woke up early Saturday morning to go to a men's breakfast at the church with my brother. We got some free food, and hang out with the other active members and pastors from the church. It was a pretty cool experience to hang out with other men who were all after a relationship with God. No one was rude, or judgmental about anything. They all welcomed us with open arms and gave us a great opportunity to make new friends.

I had some discussion with the new youth pastor at the church about volunteering in the youth department. We had a pretty good chat about what I wanted to do and how I was going get there. He was really nice and showed genuine interest in helping me meet my goals. I really look forward to working with him and hope that he can give me direction so I can accomplish some of my goals.

Sunday we attended a interesting and very humorous church service spoken by the same associate pastor that leads our small group. He did a really good job and although we were disappointed that George wasn't there we were impressed with Kyung's message.

George made it up to us later that afternoon at the baptism. That's right, I was baptized yesterday! It was such an amazing experience. Most of Brooke's family was there to witness and share the occasion. This really helped me realize how huge this was. Brooke ranks this right up there with getting married. It was really important for both of us and I'm so glad that we did it. Afterwards we all went to lunch for celebration. It feels really good to have so many people supporting our spiritual journey.

The Purpose Driven life also taught me about restoring broken fellowship. The chapter focused on repairing damaged relationships (with anyone). One of the key points in this chapter really struck me and make me realize that I have a relationship that needs repairing.

It doesn't matter whether you are the offender or the offended: God expects you to make the first move. Don't wait for the other party. Go to them first.

I have been holding a grudge against my mother since July for some pretty trivial stuff. My mom has never been a religious person to my knowledge and doesn't have a problem speaking her mind about anything. Without going into too much detail, she basically hurt me too many times with empty promises and a few harsh words. She set me off when I told her about buying my house and instead of the expected excitement and congratulations, I received the opposite. So instead of working it out, I disowned her. I still haven't spoken to her and refuse to answer her calls or let her see the inside of my house.

The fact is, she is my mom and I miss her. I refused to believe that I had any fault in the situation and insisted that she come to me with an apology before I would forgive her. Unfortunately I just made the situation worse and with every day that passes that I don't do something about it, my heart gets heavier. I wish we could just go back to being best friends again. Although it will probably take a long time for our relationship to build back up to what it was, it won't go anywhere unless I do something about it. So I'm working on the words and building up the courage to go talk to her and end this thing.

I'm tired of having a one sided family.

Evangelistic Encounters

2004-11-04T22:04:00.000-06:00

I had my first evangelistic experience yesterday. One of my co-workers started chatting with me after overhearing some of a religious debate I unwillingly got involved in. It really surprises me that even with what little experience I have in biblical terms, people still come to me for my opinion. Not just in religious discussion either. I've noticed that I have always been gifted when it comes to counseling and giving my advice. I have this great ability to use common sense and deductive reasoning combined with my morals and beliefs to make anyone change their minds about almost anything. It's just one of the gifts God's given me to be able to fulfill his purpose.

Brooke also came up with this great idea for Christmas gifts for our family. Instead of going out and buying gifts for each other we would find a way to give each other our time. Use something God gave us and share it with that person. At first I thought it was a little corny and didn't like it. It just sounded like too much work so I blew it off. Then today I read the following quote from a chapter in The Purpose Driven Life.

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

After I read this, the idea really set in stone. So now all I have to do is figure out how I'm going to give that time. I'm sure I'll think of something between now and Christmas. At least I hope I do...

New Toys

2004-11-02T13:10:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally dove in and decided to do some modifications on my blog template. After a little digging I found that the template is a lot more customizable than I origionally thought. Over the last week I have upgraded several features of my blog and I thought I would share them in case you didn't notice.

Upgraded header with custom image.

Added "Current Posts" to navigation bar.

Redesigned "Archives" pages to list entry subjects with links instead of full entries.

Changed "Archives" list to show in sequential order, instead of alphabetical.

Removed rounded corners on boxes for faster loading.

Added contact information that includes instructions on how to chat with me.

Added chat status indicatior next to Chat link.

Added Google Ads so I can get paid for all the ones YOU CLICK ON.

Started notify list (newsletter) to let people know when new entries are added.

Created nifty button for people to link my site and added nifty tool to distribute code.

Added "Add to Favorites" link (Internet Explorer only).

Created Amazon Wishlist and posted link so you can buy me stuff.

Added Google site search that allows you to search for things on my blog only.

Added site statistics with guest account so all visitors can view web statistics.

Changed site layout (code) for Mozilla/Netscape browser compatibility.

Comments have always been here, but people just dont see them I guess.

I will probably add more things as I find them. I'm always looking for something cool to stick on this thing. If you have any suggestions, just email me and I'll have a look.

Happy Election Day

Happy Halloween

2004-11-01T10:45:00.000-06:00

Well, the Halloween weekend started off with a smash. Saturday night some punks decided to take a large trash bin, drive down the street and hurl it out of the back of a truck, straight through my roommate's rear windshield. We heard the bin hit the ground and went outside to check it out. We were puzzled at why the bin was lying in the middle of the street until we saw the glass everywhere. Surprisingly, he took it pretty well and we were all able to get a good laugh out of the whole situation.

Saturday, we hung a giant mirror (5ft by 5ft) on the dining room wall and framed it in. Played a few games of Halo and hung out for a while. We have two Xbox consoles hooked up over a wireless network so we can play team head to head from two different rooms. It's a pretty cool setup and we can't wait to get Halo 2 and already have two copies reserved. Here's pictures of me and my pumpkin. The giant mirror is behind me.

Sunday we attended another outstanding church service. This was our first service to attend since we became members of the church. This was a really cool experience because a lot more people know us as members now. Everywhere we went, someone was greeting us, giving us hugs, and carrying out conversation. It made me feel really good to know that so many people could care, even though they don't really know you.

We had a friend over that we haven't spent time with in a long while and hopefully we'll be seeing a lot more of him. He really cleaned up his life and even has a son. His life wasn't going anywhere for a long time, and when I cleaned up we naturally started spending a lot less time together. He is not of the religious type but I really feel that God gave him a son so he would straighten out his life and get it together before something REALLY bad happened to him. Thankfully, he's doing pretty good so far.

Our first Halloween in a house turned out pretty good. We got lots of kids beggin' for candy and it didn't start raining until about 9:30. We just have a few more home improvement projects to go and we can finally throw a decent party!

Surrender

2004-10-28T17:02:00.000-05:00

"Genuine surrender says, 'Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life or in another's, please don't take it away.'"

This sentence out of "The Purpose Driven Life" hit my like a ton of bricks today. The chapter is about surrendering yourself to God. I'm learning a lot about just trusting God instead of stressing out about things that I can't change. Even things I can change are starting to fall away. I just let God take care of everything. I'm only a quarter of the way through this book and I have already learned a massive amount of information about how I can really live for God, instead of myself. I am comfortable with letting go of everything for God and it feels really good. I can't believe how unbelievably happy this makes me. I am grateful for what God has done in my life and look forward to enjoying what he has in store next.

"You know you're surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work."

I'm a slave to Christ, yet I've never felt so free.
Keep on workin' God...

Brain in a Dish Flies Plane

2004-10-28T13:56:00.000-05:00

Discovery Channel :: News :: Brain in a Dish Flies Plane
Oct. 22, 2004 - A University of Florida scientist has created a living "brain" of cultured rat cells that now controls an F-22 fighter jet flight simulator.
Scientists say the research could lead to tiny, brain-controlled prosthetic devices and unmanned airplanes flown by living computers.
And if scientists can decipher the ground rules of how such neural networks function, the research also may result in novel computing systems that could tackle dangerous search-and-rescue jobs and perform bomb damage assessment without endangering humans.
More...

Ok, this is really cool but here's something more interesting. The brain research they've been doing gave them the ability to teach a rat brain how to fly a jet. Humans only (on average) use about ten percent of their brains in daily activity. What if this research discovered how to unlock the other 90%? I can only imagine what we would be capable of...

Best Costume Ever

2004-10-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

I was browsing through other people's blogs yesterday and found the greatest Halloween costume ever. I still can't stop laughing at this. Anyone have a large box? There's just a few days until Halloween and I have plenty of markers!

Crappy Art

2004-10-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

OK this is just a sketch but I think it's pretty cool. I used to draw all the time and always thought I sucked at it but today I got bored and got this image stuck in my head. I searched the Internet trying to find something close but found nothing that satisfied me. For some reason I got this weird urge to draw it on paper so I scavenged around for a pencil and grabbed some printer paper. Three sketches later I came up with this.

I really wish I could make it better, I just don't have the talent. I gave a copy to a few friends to try and re-draw it and make it better so we'll see what happens. If any of you are more artistically inclined than me, give it a shot and send it to me. I'd love to have a computer generated version of this in color. That would be so awesome. You can do it, I believe in you...

40 Days

2004-10-25T16:45:00.000-05:00

In an effort to fill some of my time and help the church while broadening my spiritual boundaries I'm starting to explore some of the services my church is providing. The senior pastor just started a series called 40 Days of Community based out of a book similar to Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life". Pastor is trying to get everyone involved in a small (bible study) group that will meet for 40 days and hopefully evolve into a permanent slot in everyone's weekly activities. The 40 day program is also collecting food for the local food pantries in preparation for the holidays, and collecting blankets for the poor in Mexico. They even planned a mission to take a weekend trip down to Mexico to deliver the blankets.

My group is going to be meeting after the Saturday evening service. We (Brooke, Brendon, James, and I) will be meeting with one of the associate pastors and another couple every week to discuss our lives and how it relates to God's will. We met the first time this Saturday to meet and get a general idea of what it's all about. I really like it so far, it gives us an opportunity to share our feelings and discuss with others who share the same beliefs.

I'm also exploring volunteer opportunities within the church. I met with the tech team at the church Saturday afternoon to check out their little area in the back of the auditorium. They are the guys that control the lights, sound, and video during the service. They were all pretty cool and seemed grateful to get another guy on the team but it all seemed a little overwhelming because I've never done any type of production like that. I told the guy I was going to check out some other things and get back to him later. What I really want to do is get into youth ministry. If all goes well, I'll end up working with kids in middle and high school. I'm not really sure that I'm ready for that, but I'll just leave it in his hands and see what happens.

Old School

2004-10-22T15:49:00.000-05:00

After a stretch of mild boredom last night I did some Google searches on myself, and old nicknames I used to use. I came a cross a diary I used to play with a little over a year ago and thanks to ARC, managed to revive it from its shallow grave.

I did a little work to it so it would look pretty but otherwise it's untouched. I haven't read through all of it yet but I wanted to share it with all of you so you could see what I used to be like. I keep telling people that I have made a lot of changes in my life but this proves it beyond doubt. Here is a unique opportunity for you to directly compare my new life to the old.

Just to fill the gap, in the most recent entry of the old diary I left off talking about buying a house. That deal fell through and we ended up getting another apartment. It was pretty disappointing but I got over it and moved on. I went through a couple jobs and ended up getting the house I have now in July of this year.

Well, have fun and enjoy. If you have any questions about the old diary, email me or add a comment onto this post and I'll do my best to answer them.

http://eviltech.diaryland.com

Boredom

2004-10-20T14:04:00.000-05:00

For some reason, this makes me really hungry. Is it bad that I don't have anything better to do than sit around punching random words into a Google image search and looking at all the weird pictures it pulls up? Sometimes I really wonder how this place can afford to pay us as much as they do but then I think about how much the company is getting paid to provide the services we do and it all falls into place. Man I love this job.

I've been working on doing some religious research. At least I'm doing something productive here. I've noticed that I've been able to retain a lot of what I'm learning from the bible and thought I would learn as much as I could about the subject. So far, I've got a pretty good list of books that I would like to read in the next year or so, now I just have to buy them. At least I know what I'm going to ask for when people start bugging me for Christmas ideas.

My car ROCKS

2004-10-18T11:00:00.000-05:00

My car finally got fixed. I took it over to my friends' house to have the starter replaced and he gladly did it. The only problem was, it wasn't the starter. We were all pretty disappointed when we finally got the new starter in there and the thing still wouldn't start, but fortunately it turned out for the better. After busting out the voltage meter and playing around for a bit we realized that it was actually the battery terminals.

So I made him take put the old starter back in, replace the battery terminals and the car fired right up. We were both in disbelief that the terminals would cause the car to act like that, especially since every other electric device in the car was getting power. Whatever, I took the starter back to the parts store and got my 75 bucks back and was done with it.

This weekend went pretty well, we got a lot of cleaning done and enjoyed another wonderful service at my church. Every time I go to that church it makes me so happy. It's nearly become an addicting experience, the only good addiction I've ever had. The people there are so incredibly nice and friendly, it couldn't be more perfect. I love that this church has brought me so much closer to God; I finally know what it's like to be truly happy.

It seems like the church is also bringing Brooke and I closer together. Of course me being in a decent if not good to the power of goof mood makes things a little easier to deal with. It seems that our spiritual journey has brought our souls closer together, and that is a very good feeling. I can't wait to see what things will be like a year from now, but I know it will be worth the wait.

User Friendly

2004-10-16T01:39:00.000-05:00

I finally got my car home last night. Push starting it worked like a charm. I just wish I parked it on a hill now that I think about it. I still have to get it fixed.

User: "I've been working on this Word file all morning long and when I closed Word it asked me if I wanted to save the document."

Me: "Uhhh huh."

User: "Well, I thought it was something else and clicked on no."

Me: "oh."

User: "I was hoping that you would be able to recover the changes I've been making to the file."

Me: "When's the last time you saved it?"

User: "Last night."

Me: "When you open the document, do you see your changes?"

User: "No, that's why I'm calling you."

Me: "Sorry man, any changes you make to a file are lost when you don't save them."

User: "There's no way to restore the backup or anything?"

Me: "What backup? You never saved the changes."

User: "You mean you guys don't back up our work here?"

Me: "Only when you save it."

User: "Well that stinks, you guys should really upgrade your system."

That moment, part of me wished I were anywhere near this guy's desk.

Going Public

2004-10-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

Well, after a lot of phone calls today I think I may finally have a resolution to this car issue. After a couple of local shops quoted me over $300 just to replace the starter I flipped out and called and old friend that I seem to only contact when my car craps out on me. I know it's bad but he's really cool and he's going to do it in his driveway for $50. Can't beat that I guess. He also gave me some even better news. Apparently, since my car has a manual transmission, I have the ability to push start it and at least drive it over there so I don't have to pay money to have to car towed. I was really hoping there would be some way to get the engine running because I'm going to have to put all this on a credit card already and I have enough debt to play with right now.

On another note, I announced my blogs presence to my family and friends yesterday and received some pretty positive feedback. I don't think people realize how much I have changed my life for the better in the last year. It is obvious what I have accomplished because they can be seen by the eye, but it takes more than that to see how someone has changed inside. That is why I started this thing, to let the world and those close to me know that I am a better person because of the changes I have made in my life, and those changes show most prominently in my writing.

In the words of the father I wish I knew better, "You have turned out well, and I am proud how you have fought to keep your problems in check. Remember you are loved and you have many people that care about you. There are many less fortunate. The words you have written here stopped me in my tracks and it is the best thing you have ever written to me and you have touched my heart, thanks."

1 Corinthians 3:1-9
1Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with you I couldn't talk to you as I would to mature Christians. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life. 2I had to feed you with milk and not with solid food, because you couldn't handle anything stronger. And you still aren't ready, 3for you are still controlled by your own sinful desires. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn't that prove you are controlled by your own desires? You are acting like people who don't belong to the Lord. 4When one of you says, "I am a follower of Paul," and another says, "I prefer Apollos," aren't you acting like those who are not Christians? 5Who is Apollos, and who is Paul, that we should be the cause of such quarrels? Why, we're only servants. Through us God caused you to believe. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. 6My job was to plant the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God, not we, who made it grow. 7The ones who do the planting or watering aren't important, but God is important because he is the one who makes the seed grow. 8The one who plants and the one who waters work as a team with the same purpose. Yet they will be rewarded individually, according to their own hard work. 9We work together as partners who belong to God. You are God's field, God's building--not ours.

It reminds me of a phrase my pastor said to us a few weeks ago. "For those of you who think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, you're wrong. The grass is greener, where you water it." That has stuck with me more than anything so far. I try and keep it in mind any time I start to feel depressed. Most of the time it works, but that's just one more thing to work on.

Words of wisdom to my mother, "In order to be forgiven, you have to acknowledge that you have done something wrong."
1 John 1:8-9
8If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. 9But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.

We Moved!

2004-10-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

For those of you who freaked out trying to find my blog after I changed the URL last night... Congratulations! Obviously you found it. I've been working for the last week or so trying to come up with a new username for my new found Gmail account. After several trials and attempts to come up with something created I finally landed on Mortal Seraphim, thanks to my buddy Josh. In case any of you were wondering what Mortal Seraphim means, here it is.

mortal
Liable or subject to death.
Of or relating to humankind; human: the mortal limits of understanding.

seraphim
A celestial being having three pairs of wings.
seraphim Christianity. The first of the nine orders of angels in medieval angelology.

So it ends up being an oxy-moron, and a quite clever one too I think. So for all that have any email addresses I've had in the past, please update your books to show my new email address.

On another note, my car still SUCKS. I went last night to try and figure out what exactly the problem is, after consulting with a random mechanic that just happened to walk up to us while we were fiddling with the car, he told me that it was probably a dead battery or bad terminals/cables. I know it's not the battery because it's brand new and it still wouldn't start with a jump from another car. I don't think it's the terminals either. Just because they are corroded and about to fall off doesn't mean they are completely non-functional right?

So, I think what I'm going to have to do is borrow someone's truck and chain tow it a mile down the road to a shop that can fix it. If all goes well, I'll have my car back by the end of this weekend.

My Car SUCKS

2004-10-13T13:14:00.000-05:00

Last night Brooke and I went to work out at 24hr Fitness. It was a great workout but that good feeling quickly went away when I tried to start the car and go home. Turn the key and all I get is -click!-. I just got done replacing the battery because it decided to die one me and now I'm going to have to have the car towed to a shop with money I don't have, and pay the shop to fix it with money I don't have.

The whole situation has got me pretty torn up. I hated being forced to leave my car at 24hr Fitness and catch a ride home with a friend. I made my brother take me to work today, and I'm still not entirely sure how I'm going to get home but that doesn't matter right now. I'm more concerned with how much money this is going to cost to fix. I've been hopelessly looking up parts online to see who has them the cheapest. I found a decent towing company and a shop to take it to just in case I couldn't do it myself. Half of me just wants to give the car back to my mother and let her deal with it, but then that leaves me without a car.

I've always heard that you can never truly know God unless you have your life shaken up a bit. Have the things you take for granted taken away from you. I know that this is kind of trivial compared to all the things that could possibly happen but little things like this just make me remember what's really important in life. Maybe God is trying to tell me something...

Politics

2004-10-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

I'm not very deep into politics and I know there are a few thousand blogs out there that cover the whole political field, but I received this email from a close family member who is a strong Republican and I thought I would share it.

----- Original Message -----
From: Grandpa White
To: Ryan
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 4:45 PM
Subject: Oops I forgot I said that!!

Every one of these Democrats say President Bush lied about the war on terror, weapons of mass destruction, and that he took us to war unnecessarily. See what those democrats had to say a few years ago...

"One way or the other, we are determined to deny Iraq the capacity to develop weapons of mass destruction and the missiles to deliver them. That is our bottom line." - President Clinton, Feb. 4, 1998

"If Saddam rejects peace and we have to use force, our purpose is clear. We want to seriously diminish the threat posed by Iraq's weapons of mass destruction program." - President Clinton, Feb. 17, 1998

"Iraq is a long way from [here], but what happens there matters a great deal here. For the risks that the leaders of a rogue state will use nuclear, chemical or biological weapons against us or our allies is the greatest security threat we face." - Madeline Albright, Feb. 18, 1998

"He will use those weapons of mass destruction again, as he has ten time since 1983." - Sandy Berger, Clinton National Security Adviser, Feb. 18, 1998

"[WE] urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs." - Letter to President Clinton, signed by Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), Tom Daschle (D-SD), John Kerry(D-MA), and others Oct. 9, 1998

"Saddam Hussein has been engaged in the development of weapons of mass destruction technology which is a threat to countries in the region and he has made a mockery of the weapons inspection process." - Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Dec. 16, 1998

"Hussein has chosen to spend his money on building weapons of mass destruction and palaces for his cronies." - Madeline Albright, Clinton Secretary of State, Nov. 10, 1999

"There is no doubt that, Saddam Hussein has invigorated his weapons programs. Reports indicate that biological, chemical and nuclear programs continue apace and may be back to pre-Gulf War status. In addition, Saddam continues to redefine delivery systems and is doubtless using the cover of a licit missile program to develop longer-range missiles that will threaten the United States and our allies." - Letter to President Bush, Signed by Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL) and others, Dec. 5, 2001

"We begin with the common belief that Saddam Hussein is a tyrant and threat to the peace and stability of the region. He has ignored the mandated of the United Nations and is building weapons of mass destruction and the means of delivering them." - Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), Sept. 19, 2002

"We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country." - Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002

"Iraq's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to deter and we should assume that it will continue for as long as Saddam is in power." - Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002

"We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction." - Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), Sept. 27, 2002

"The last UN weapons inspectors left Iraq in October of 1998. We are confident that Saddam Hussein retains some stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, and that he has since embarked on a crash course to build up his chemical and biological warfare capabilities. Intelligence reports indicate that he is seeking nuclear weapons..." - Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV), Oct. 3, 2002

"I will be voting to give the President of the United States the authority to use force --if necessary-- to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security." - Sen. John F. Kerry (D-MA), Oct. 9, 2002

"There is unmistakable evidence that Saddam Hussein is working aggressively to develop nuclear weapons and will likely have nuclear weapons within the next five years. We also should remember we have always underestimated the progress Saddam has made in development of weapons of mass destruction." - Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D-WV), Oct 10, 2002

"He has systematically violated, over the course of the past 11 years, every significant UN resolution that has demanded that he disarm and destroy his chemical and biological weapons, and any nuclear capacity. This he has refused to do" - Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA), Oct. 10, 2002

"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including al Qaeda members.. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons." - Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Oct 10, 2002

"We are in possession of what I think to be compelling evidence that Saddam Hussein has, and has had for a number of years, a developing capacity for the production and storage of weapons of mass destruction." - Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL), Dec. 8, 2002

"Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime. He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. And now he is miscalculating America's response to his continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction. So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real" - Sen. John F. Kerry (D-MA), Jan. 23, 2003

Send this to everybody you know. The media and networks won't do it. Why do you suppose that is?

A Little About Me

2004-10-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

I got this idea from IRONPANTS and thought about doing it, but I really didn't want to go through the trouble. After I saw it on LibPrincess the thought grew on me and I decided to go for it. I think I did pretty well...

I am: One of God’s children.

I know: That I am loved.

I have: Everything I could ever need in life.

I wish: I could break the habit of swearing faster.

I hate: People who habitually lie about EVERYTHING, trying to make themselves look better.

I miss: The first year Brooke and I were together, new love is always so fun.

I fear: Spider webs (but not spiders) and bees/wasps.

I hear: Everything, I’m not deaf.

I search: To learn, Google taught me everything I know.

I wonder: Where I’ll be in ten years.

I regret: All the things I did as a teenager.

I love: Brooke, and everything that she represents.

I ache: After working out, and when Brooke and I aren’t getting along.

I care: Too much about some things and too little about others.

I always: Make things too complicated even though I love the simple things in life.

I am not: Attentive, I have a severe case of selective hearing. If the TV is on, don’t even try, you’re wasting your breath.

I dance: Never… well except my future wedding, but other than that don’t hold your breath.

I sing: Only when I’m in the car (alone) and listening to Power FM.

I do not always: Make the bed in the morning, despite how much Brooke complains about it.

I should not: Be afraid to speak God’s word.

I write: What I feel, that’s what this thing is for right?

I win: HA! That’s just a conspiracy to get people to buy lottery tickets.

I lose: Every argument with Brooke; why do women always have to be right?

I confuse: Myself, confusion sparks the learning process. How can you set out to learn anything if you never questioned it to begin with?

I listen: Occasionally, see: I am Not…

I go: You mean that little button in Internet Explorer?

I am happy about: What my life has become, and I look forward to what it will be in the future.

The Good Wife's Guide

2004-10-12T13:47:00.000-05:00

This is a reproduction of the original article printed in Housekeeping Monthly May 13, 1955. To see the original, click here.

The Good Wife's Guide

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

8. Be happy to see him.

9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

14. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

17. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

18. A good wife always knows her place.

IRONPANTS

2004-10-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

I don't usually do this but this is a special case.

Using that nifty Next Blog button at the top of the screen I came across one of the best blogs I've ever had the pleasure of reading. This guy's writing skills and sense of humor far exceed mine and although my personality is wonderful in person I often have trouble putting it into words. Something Keith has no problem doing at all. Sure, being a professional writer could somewhat pose as an advantage in that sense but still, if you spend time reading ANYTHING on the internet and you haven't read this yet, you're missing out.

http://ironpants.blogspot.com/

Over the last day or so I have gone through and literally read every single one of his entries and on many occasions cracked out laughing. I don't know if any of you have just busted out laughing while sitting at your desk at work but you start getting dirty looks after a few times. Honestly I couldn't help it though, I've never been more interested in ANYONE'S writing. The style used really fit's my personality. It really makes me wish I lived anywhere near Phoenix so I could meet him, he seems like the kind of guy I could really get along with despite our differences.

Keith, if you end up reading this, I hope you have much success in you writing career. Honestly I can't see how you couldn't, with your skills and sharp humor how could you go wrong? I look forward to reading in the future and hope that someday my blog will become even half of what yours is. If you don't already have one, hit me up and I'll hook you up with a Gmail Account just for being so cool.

P.S. Keith, you should get this more than any others...

Testing Faith

2004-10-10T13:31:00.000-05:00

Over the past few months I have become increasingly closer to God. I love the person I have become since then as well. I am generally much happier and I’m enjoying life more than before. Yet, I still battle with severe depression. I pray for guidance and hope that one day it will go away but for the time being I’ve grown to accept it as part of my life and it usually doesn’t bother me that much. Some days are just harder to deal with than others.

For example, yesterday I exchanged a perfectly good propane tank because I thought the gas station sold me an empty one. It turned out to be a problem with the grill. Since it had been raining for the past few days the yard was worn and muddy and my three dogs were having a ball. After about a half a day of turning my carpet and couch into a mess of muddy paw prints I started to panic. So I go out to cook dinner with my brand spankin’ new propane tank and the grill wouldn’t heat up. I broke down right there in front of the grill, just letting it burn.

Brooke has dealt with this before. She knows I just get too irrational sometimes and there’s just not much she can do about it. She tried talking it out with me but it’s pretty hard to explain what’s wrong when you don’t really know. I explained what the problem was with the grill and after a few seconds of useless feeling around where the pilots are, we tried it again and it worked perfectly. There is absolutely no way that either one of us could have done anything to free the flow of gas to the burners but for whatever reason, it lit and heated like new.

Right then I realized why I was with Brooke. I’ve always known I was meant to spend my life with her but I never knew that she would be the one to save me. I can’t even try to count how many times I’ve considered ending my life, I’ve accepted it as part of my depression and pray that I never carry it out. I know God has a plan for my life and he gave me Brooke to make sure that his plan is fulfilled. Brooke has and will always be there to support me, and right now that’s exactly what I need.

Help Desk Junkies

2004-10-08T15:15:00.001-05:00

This is definitely the strangest job I've ever had. I've never had a more relaxing job. It's nice to have time to think about what I'm doing while I'm doing it. It's nice to actually care about the people that are calling me and care about helping them with whatever problem they are having.

When I worked for Experian I felt like I was working in some kind of sweat shop or something. Taking over a hundred calls a day, processing mail so fast you lose track of what time it is. Only having a half hour lunch and being the only department in the entire company that was specifically designed for people who want to bitch about their credit. What fun, needless to say any person on earth can only take so much of that before starting to look for a new job. The company is great and they did their best to take care of their employees but there just isn't anything you can do to get rid of stress that high.

At CompuCom, things are much different. I'm getting paid more money than I've ever made in my life to sit at my desk and do practically nothing compared to my other jobs. I take calls from other employees and help them resolve issues with their computers. The call volume during the time I work is ridiculously slow. On a typical day, I only take three or four calls, on a busy day I might cap out at ten or fifteen. Most of the calls are taken during the beginning of my shift and after I take my lunch at 1:30 I'm done for the rest of the day. I just sit here and read the news, study for certifications and mess with this blog. Life couldn't be better I guess, I can see myself doing this for quite some time.

The only thing I really have to get used to in this place is the lack of work. There are times where I go for hours without anything to do at all. I've almost got the lineup on the Cartoon Network memorized. The corporate hot dogs feel that placing TV's all over the floor showing the Cartoon Network relieves stress. I have to admit, it has been the start of some pretty interesting conversations but it really makes me worry about the altered reality it is displaying to all the children out there. That's another story though. One thing is for sure, by this time next year I'll have just about every computer certification this place can offer me. As if I'd actually need it, they provide time away from phone duty to study for exams and even pay for the testing when you are ready to take them.

The people here are especially interesting. Instead of the majority of people being unhappy with their jobs, everyone here seems to love their job. Everyone is polite and as helpful as you could imagine a room full of tech's could be. It's definitely an interesting and unique experience.

The beginning of time...

2004-10-07T19:31:00.000-05:00

Well, because of pure liquid boredom at work I decided to start a Blog. To start things off, I'll introduce myself and then you can read a lengthy conversation I had with my best friend Josh to give you an idea of what I'm like.

I am a pretty funny and brutally honest guy who leads a pretty boring but somewhat successful life. At the age of 22 I have already found my true love and will marry her sometime next fall. I've just completed the purchase of my first home that's fully furnished with all the accessories. My brother and her step-brother are living in the extra rooms and we make a pretty happy family. We go to our new-found church every Sunday and when we are not separated by work schedules, eat dinner at the table every night. I'm a huge computer junkie and actually work at the famous CompuCom Enterprise Help Desk. I like to think I can fix anything that has to do with computers, but somehow manage to learn something new about them every day. Recently I have become more and more interested in the word of God and have grown closer to finding my calling by putting my life in God's hands and letting him use me as a tool for his will.

Ok enough for now. Here's a pretty interesting conversation about my quest for the answers regarding my new found faith.

Bible Basics with ARC and Ryan